I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
