i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
