When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
