You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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