So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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