also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
