clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
