I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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