hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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