Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
