so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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