I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
