Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
