Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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