Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
