Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
