Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
