no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
