yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
