Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
