Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
