its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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