Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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