I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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