Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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