i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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