worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
