I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
