i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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