How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
