Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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