no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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