Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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