Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
