If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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