This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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