I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
