Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
