I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
