i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
