the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
This toilet bowl is my home.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
