with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
