We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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