Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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