Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Define "chronic" masturbator.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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