I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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