Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
