I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
