how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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