It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
