Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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