he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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