I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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