I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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