I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
