My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
